Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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