i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
