i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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