Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
