My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
