I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
