i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
They have beer where we have blood.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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