So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
