So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
