I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You have to summon your inner elephant
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
