just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
