you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
