I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
