Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
