haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
