He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
