I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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