I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
