So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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