Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
