my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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