if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Green mimosas i think yes
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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