Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
