he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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