I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
