we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
