Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
