Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
