Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
