We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
God I need to hump something, right now.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
