You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
is it fun? or sober?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
