so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
