do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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