Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
