is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
