im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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