my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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