Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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