apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
