note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
