I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
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