Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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