Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
