His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
