maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
