he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
