i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
