I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
