areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
