so let's talk penis.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
