Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
