As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
