Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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