I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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