he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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